|Head of Family||Godfrey Sanders|
|Lesser Patriachs||Sol Sanders, Datarion Sanders, Kulton Sanders|
|Familiy Plebeians||Vermont Sanders, Dashel Sanders|
The Sanders Family is perhaps the greatest family to have ever existed. It is a family of altruism, a family of loyalty and, above all, a family of such sexiness that if left to grow could destroy the very fabric of space and time.
The Birth of Sexiness PersonifiedEdit
The aforementioned fact that members of the Sanders Family are amongst the sexiest people in the universe could not be truer of Montgomery Sanders; the sexiest man in the universe; wearer of white suits and the original Grandpappy Sanders of the Sanders Family. Montgomery Sanders was born at an extremely early age to parents unknown on the planet Coruscant. Persecuted and victimised for the mere crime of being too sexy, Montgomery grew to become cynical, disgruntled and, when people disliked his favourite white outfit, very cranky. By the time he was nineteen, Montgomery was married and was father to two twins named Bob and Bobillina. Bobillina came to have a child of her own in the years to come. His name was Sol and was quite possibly the ugliest child Montgomery had ever seen. Nonetheless, the two of them formed a strong bond.
News came to the ears of Montgomery that Bobillina and her partner had become famous pornographic movie stars. Montgomery became enraged and confronted his daughter. “I forbid you from being a pornographic movie star any longer,” commanded Montgomery. “No longer will you control me father,” she said, “it’s not my fault I inherited your insanely good looks.” Montgomery knew that there was truth in her words. “I understand that Bobillina, but think about the future of your son, Sol,” he insisted. “No I wont, he is too ugly for me to ever love him. You take him.” The blood coursing through Montgomery’s veins began to boil, “get out of my sight, you sicken me. You are no daughter of mine!” he screamed. Bobillina turned to walk away, but before she departed, she said “oh by the way father; your outfit looks ridiculous.” And with those final words, she left.
Montgomery took Sol as his own, but not before he entered a period of prolonged depression. Intoxicated and inebriated, Montgomery began to question who he was. Why would she say that about my outfit? Is it not white enough? Does it not accentuate my muscular figure? Such thoughts filled his mind for the next forty years. At 65 years of age, however, Montgomery knew that he could sit idle no longer. So he took Sol and applied for the Galactic Empire, pledging his allegiance to Emperor Vodo. And there they both remained for a considerable duration.
Montgomery and Sol entered the Imperial Academy upon being accepted. Highly competitive and motivated, the two individuals effortlessly achieved near-perfect grades during all academic and physical examinations. Both received high praise from senior officers and peers alike. “The Sanders are truly the spearhead of us Imperials,” were words commonly overheard in the halls of the Imperial Academy, “if only we could be more like them”. As graduation drew near, Montgomery announced his wishes to enter into the service of the Imperial Army, whilst Sol demonstrated interest in joining the Imperial Navy. Never did their resolve to serve the Emperor with fervent loyalty falter, nor did their desire to prove themselves. Upon graduation, both received the rank of E-2.
As requested, Sol Sanders began his term of service in the Imperial Navy. Then he died.
A Confrontation with a Cantankerous Young ManEdit
While awaiting transportation to the location of the Army Division to which he had been assigned, Montgomery crossed the path of a cantankerous young man whom he came to know as Rick Shaw of the Kun Family. Shaw abused him in relation to his loyalty to the Galactic Empire. Infuriated, Montgomery proceeded to beat Shaw repeatedly with his walking stick. Realising he was no match for the mightiness of Montgomery in person; Shaw fled and contacted certain Imperial Officials who in turn relayed the information to Emperor Vodo himself. Vodo ordered the immediate execution of Montgomery Sanders.
The Death of Grandpappy SandersEdit
Montgomery Sanders stood before the Imperial palace on Coruscant when news reached him of the Imperial High Command's intentions to arrest and execute him. Merely days earlier, Montgomery had defended the honour of both the Sanders Family and the Empire against the unceasing taunts of Rick Shaw. It seemed, however, that loyalty was no longer deemed a virtue. Montgomery, as always, worried not; for he knew what had to be done. He shed himself of all clothing, revealing his muscular physique and sat quietly, contemplating the task ahead. Montgomery delved into the deepest, most dark regions of his inner-self. It was here that he confronted his inner demons and tapped into his inner eye. At last he had succeeded; he had learned the secrets of asexual reproduction. As such, Montgomery managed to spawn another individual; almost identical to himself. "It may just be possible that you are sexier than me, a feat not so easily achieved my friend...Hence forth you shall be known as Godfrey Sanders," he said to his spawn. And with that he gave Godfrey his favourite white outfit and had him hidden in the depths of Coruscant. Later that day Montgomery was executed.
A New BeginningEdit
In the days that followed, Godfrey sold his body on the streets in order to raise the funds needed to escape Coruscant. He adopted the title of Grandpappy Sanders, however, knew that he did not belong in the Empire; not yet anyway. As such, Godfrey fled Imperial space undetected and hid himself from the universe, contacting Sol in the process. Although undeniably shaken by Montgomery’s fate, Sol was to stay in the service of the Empire. Godfrey had no objections; Sol was now a grown man, the decision of whether or not to stay was his alone to make.
Extending the Sanders FamilyEdit
In his travels, Godfrey became aware of the existence of several family members; apparently the decedents of some obscure distant cousin. Their names were Datarion and Dashel Sanders and they were to be considered equals within the Sanders Family. Godfrey also encountered the ever-so-slightly retarded Kall Sanders, another distant relation whom he thought to be dead. In the beginning of Year 7, Sol Sanders’ husband gave birth to a child: Vermont. He grew to become a strong young man and fortunately did not inherit his father’s hereditary genetic disease, Uglititis. Vermont entered into the service of the New Imperial Order.
Adopting Family MembersEdit
It was around this time also that the Sanders Family gave their blessings for the adoption of Kulton Nalto; an old friend of the family. He too was to be considered an equal. Many have expressed interest in joining the sexiest family in existence. Only a few however are deemed physically attractive enough to be adopted. Out of those deemed worthy, the following have also been adopted into the Sanders Family:
- Sin Sanders (AKA Sin Jade) <- Lies! - Pablo Sanders (AKA Pablo Dion) - Rostar Sanders (AKA Nature Priest Rostar)
Hated or Envied?Edit
There is no denying that the majority of people in the universe do not like the Sanders Family. This was indeed an unwanted, though unavoidable outcome. Many postulate that the discrimination suffered by the Sanders Family is a result of their inclination to irritate others whenever possible. Others however claim that people dislike the Sanders Family due to the simple fact that they possess incredibly good looks and minds far superior to that of the average person. Members of the Sanders Family tend to agree with the latter as they recognise such traits. For this reason, the Sanders Family has publicly apologised to all sentients, explaining that they did not choose to be the way they are; rather, it was simply nature at work.
Known Genetic TraitsEdit
- Hereditary genetic disease: Sexititis [Montgomery Sanders, Godfrey Sanders]
- Hereditary genetic disease: Uglititis [Sol Sanders]
- Mental retardation [Kall Sanders]
Quotes & Notable DialogueEdit
Quotes & Notable Dialogue from the Sanders FamilyEdit
- "Sanders Family: Sexier than other families, less inbred to boot." ~Family Motto
Quotes & Notable Dialogue about the Sanders FamilyEdit
- "The Sanders are the most idiotic family in existence, they are so bad they beat the Ismays!" ~ Rostar
- "I am not a supporter of the large human dynasties, watching dukes, earls, and Counts carrying on makes me vomit. However, the sheer genius of Montgomery Sanders can never be credibly doubted. In some ways we owe Emporer Vodo Bonias a big thank you. For if he had not stopped Montgomery when he did, who knows what state the galaxy would be in." ~ Ekoo Strider